dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
