Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
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