I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
