would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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