how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
