His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
