arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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