My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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