god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
