My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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