I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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