It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Threesome in a minivan. New low
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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