I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I lost the right to judge tonight
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
