its not stalking. its research.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
