doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
