His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
