im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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