On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
