i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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