I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
