I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
