Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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