i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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