Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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