btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
