Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
