The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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