Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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