i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
