i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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