your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
