Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
