I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
