My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think my moral compass just broke
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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