Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
