You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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