worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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