You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
