My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
