wake up i wanna do it froggy style
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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