we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
