Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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