We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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