Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
