mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I am naked and annoyed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
