My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
