im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i have herpe
just one?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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