Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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