There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
