Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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