What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
