Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
