So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
